The Ex-Quintet
by QuesoPotato
Summary: Essentially the misadventures of the five cut Melee Smashers. Set in between Melee and Brawl.
1. Prologue

Okay, so a bit of a disclaimer and author's note before we begin:

This is something I wrote three-ish years ago. I never finished it for reasons I honestly can't remember and I was never planning on coming back to it. However, I was having a conversation with a friend and it made me think of this story I wrote with what feels like forever ago. She wanted to read it so I shared it with her on Google Docs, and she really liked it and convinced me to upload it.

I did some minor editing for spelling and grammar and to make it a bit easier to read, but just know unless I get a lot of requests to continue this story, I won't be finishing it.

Also, there are a lot of really old meme references, 2016 era to be exact. But I didn't want to change anything about it to make it more current, so just bear with it.

Please no flames, I know it's bad. I wrote it three years ago. And for those that enjoy the cringiest shit out there, this ones for you. Also, this is set in between Melee and Brawl.

"The author would also like to note that she does not own _Super Smash Brothers _or any other obscure references that she piles into this eight chapter steaming pile of shit."

Thank you Ganondorf. And stop breaking the walls!

Chapter 1 - Prologue

"Wait, what do you mean I'm kicked off?" The small boy, no older than 10 asked.

"Well, we, meaning myself and that crazy bastard in the corner over there, decided that you are no longer a good fit for the tournaments… you can still stay in the Smashverse if you would like." The large gloved hand told the child in response.

"Yeah, I guess. I don't really have anywhere else to go. No one in Hyrule remembers me and I have no idea how to get back to Termina. Can I still watch the matches at least?"

"Of course."

The boy walked out of the office, his body-wracking sobs causing tears to stain his cheeks. He reached the wing of the large manor with all of the bedrooms belonging to his old fellow Smashers. He went straight to his and plopped on the fluffy queen sized bed. Staring at his forest green walls, he recalled old memories with his friends in the smash mansion.

_I guess I shouldn't be so sad. I had a good time here and made many friends_, he thought to himself. _At least I don't have to see Ganondorf again._

The small boy smiled and got up off the bed and began packing his things in bags. I wonder where Master Hand is going to take us…

"So let me get this straight, you're replacing us?" The red-headed swordsman asked the hand.

"I'm sorry. We really don't want to do this, but the newcomers have more to offer than you guys. You can still stay in the Smashverse and see everyone." Master Hand responded.

"Fine, whatever. Have it your way."

The swordsman stomped out the room in a rage. He couldn't believe that they were not only replacing himself, but four other smashers! This is ridiculous!

_I need to find the others…_

He bolted down to the east wing to try and find the others. There were no other matches going on today, so he knew the west wing would be useless.

"Roy, you ok?" He heard someone shout, but he just ignored it because, honestly, he just didn't really care much about it at the moment.

He started thinking to himself, not really paying attention to anything else, until he runs into someone.

"Shit, sorry," he says to the mystery person.

"It's-a-ok," they, being Dr. Mario responds.

"Dude, have you heard the news?"

"That have been-a-replaced, a-yes."

"Who else knows about it?"

"You and-a-me and-a-Young Link. He was-a-really upset about it earlier."

"Poor kid. I really should find the others. Think you can help?"

"Of-a-course!"

The team of two set off to find the other three Smashers. They duo passed Young Link's room; seeing the young Hylian pack up his belongings. Roy knocked at the partially opened door.

"Hey kid, we heard about what happened. You ok?" Roy asked.

"Yeah it's fine. You guys can come in if you want," the Hylian boy responded. "So what are you guys gonna do now?"

"I sorta left-a-everything behind to-a-come here. I can't-a-go back now. I guess-a-I'll stay in the-a-Smashverse," the short doctor answered.

"I'll probably do the same," Roy mentioned.

"Master Hand said we can still watch matches. But I don't know where he's going to take us when we stay though."

"Me-a-neither."

"Maybe one of the others know?"

"Well, let's look for them then!"

The newly formed trio set out on their quest to find the other two ex-Smashers in the manor that they no longer consider their home. It felt as if they have looked everywhere: all the bedrooms, the Smash cafè, the living room, the game room, saunas, even the indoor and outdoor pools. They eventually gave up, after many people asking what was wrong, and with pride getting in the way, just said nothing at all.

"They have to be here somewhere," Roy complained.

"Maybe they already left," Young Link chimed in.

"Who left?" They heard someone sneer from the other side of the courtyard. The trio turned to face Ganondorf.

"It's nothing at all," Young Link said, not really wanting much conversation with the Gerudo male.

"Heh, whatever losers," he said and turned to walk away.

The small group decided to have a look around the courtyard, seeing as they had just gotten there, and they found Mewtwo meditating with a fascinated Pichu trying to copy the feline looking Pokémon, but ultimately failing.

"Have you-a-heard the-a-news?" Dr. Mario asked the two Pokémon.

"W-what news?" Pichu stammered.

"The hands said the five of us are out of the tournament. We've been replaced," Roy said coldly.

"That's not surprising from what I've forseen," the purple Pokémon added.

"So what are you gonna do? They said we can stay in the Smashverse, we just can't live here and participate in the tourney." Young Link chimed in.

"I wanna stay but I wanna be with Mewtwo too," Pichu said.

"I guess staying won't hurt," Mewtwo said.

"Well-a-then, it's-a-settled."

The quintet marched down the hall to finish collecting everything they brought with them to move it on the van that the hands got for them. They loaded their thing in the back and climbed in. They said goodbye to no one because the hands quickly decided against it, not wanting the five ex-Smashers to get in the way of the preparations for the newcomers.

Roy climbed in the driver's seat, Dr. Mario in the passenger. Pichu and Mewtwo were in the middle and Young Link was in the back.

"So-a-do you know-a-where we're going-a?" the doctor asked.

"No idea; all Master Hand gave me was an address," Roy responded.

"We should-a-be able to-a-find it then."

"I hope you're right."

The ex-Smashers spent about an hour in the van, Pichu and Mewtwo holding mild conversation about Pokemon things, Young Link fiddling around with his ocarina, and the duo in the front silent.

"I'm hungry guys," Young Link stated.

"Yeah me too," Pichu said.

"Fine, let's go get food," Roy agreed.

He turned the van around and drove to the nearest McDonald's, which happened to be literally right there.

"Just get whatever you want, Crazy Hand gave me Master Hand's debit card," Roy announced to the passengers in the van."

"Ohhhh, I want some chicken nuggets," Young Link stated.

"Me too," Pichu added.

"I'll-a-take a McChicken," Dr. Mario announced.

"Hehehe…" Pichu started giggling.

"What's-a-so funny?" The doctor asked.

"You never heard of the McChicken guy? He was at McDonald's and he did it with a McChicken on video," Pichu replied.

"How do you even know about that?" Roy asked the yellow Pokémon.

"Ness showed it to me."

The redhead decided not to say anything else about it and ordered the food. Mainly because, well honestly no one really needs to know, and the author would like to keep it that way. Thank you for respecting that.

So the order came out and it seemed like Dr. Mario was enjoying his McChicken a bit too much. The yellow Pokémon and green-clad swordsman trading dipping sauces for no reason, and the redhead happily munching on his fries. The quintet drove off in peace… that is until they found the location of the address.

"We're here guys!" Roy exclaimed after another ten minutes of driving around with the GPS that Master Hand having gave them broke as soon as they pulled in the driveway. No one knew how, but we're working on it.

"Yay!" Pichu shouted in response.

Everyone eagerly (except Mewtwo; we don't think he has emotions, because he's such a shifty bastard) hustled out of the van, gazing upon at the nice house awaiting them. It wasn't nearly as big as the Smash mansion, but it was very modern on the exterior.

The crew gathered all their bags and hurried inside. The interior was fully furnished with Ikea furniture. Pichu and Young Link 'ooohhhed' and 'awwed' at all the video games. Mewtwo casually grabbed the small bags he had brought along, and scouted out the rest of the house. Dr. Mario went to the kitchen to get a snack, and Roy went upstairs and plopped straight on the king sized bed in the master bedroom, which he was claiming as his own.

_This may or may not be a mistake_, he thought to himself.


	2. Intro: Newcomers

Everything today was slow around the ex-Smash House. Pichu and Young Link were playing Grand Theft Auto on the Xbox. (Because now they think Nintendo is lame.) No one ever really knows what Mewtwo is up to, probably practicing some of his old moves they wouldn't let him use in the tournament. Or maybe plotting revenge against the stallion ducks. Like I said, no one really knows. Roy was watching a movie on the brand new laptop he had purchased with Master Hand's debit card. They weren't sure if they should tell him they have it, but they probably won't. And last but not least, Dr. Mario was cooking something for dinner. As usual, it was Italian. Because the good doctor himself was Italian. And a doctor. And a plummer. And a lot of other things as well that won't be listed because that would make this chapter a lot longer than what I, the author, really feel is necessary.

At the smell of some sort of tomatoey sauce, the youngest ex-Smashers immediately turned off Grand Theft Auto and crowded around the kitchen table, Roy following after them.

"I never-a-said it was-a-ready yet. It's-a-your turn to-a-cook tomorrow, Roy," the doctor stated.

"Yeah, whatever," the redhead sassily replied in response.

"It looks ready to me," Young Link said.

"Me too," Mewtwo agreed.

Everyone in the room jumped at the purple Pokémon's sudden appearance, especially because he wasn't here five seconds ago. Or maybe he was and no one noticed. The world will never know. The damn shifty bastard.

"How did you get here?!" Pichu asked the feline-looking Pokémon, shock still on her face.

"Teleportation."

Ok, maybe the world will know.

"How did you do it?" The green-clad Hylian asked him.

"Like this." And with that, Mewtwo was out of sight again.

"That asshole, I want to teleport too," Roy said in response to Mewtwo's departure.

"I heard that."

Everyone turned around and saw Mewtwo behind them.

"Staph doing that dude!" Roy shouted, clearly getting frustrated with the teleporting pussy. Hehe, pussy…

"It's-a-ready!" Dr. Mario said to break the tension between the swordsman and the Pokémon.

"Finally", Pichu replied. "We've been waiting for hours."

"Pichu, it's-a-only been-a-half hour."

The five ex-Smashers gathered around the table, each filling their plates with whatever Dr. Mario has concocted for the evening meal. Honestly, I'm not sure what it was, some sort of pasta dish. Again.

"Guys, if we have Master Hand's debit card, why don't we just go out to eat everyday?" Young Link asked.

"Y'know, that's a very good point," Roy said. "What the fuck have we been doing all our lives? Especially Dr. Mario, he always cooks shit for us when he doesn't have to. Kid, I think that's the smartest thing you've said this whole time!"

The group ate the meal in silence, with Roy contemplating to himself on this spectacular discovery that Young Link had made.

~With the current Smashers at the Smash Mansion~

"Ok, so I have an important announcement to make, which is why I have gathered all 20 of you here-" Master Hand started.

"I have a question," someone had said.

"Yes Ness?" The large floating hand replied.

"Where's Dr. Mario, Young Link, Roy, Pichu, and Mewtwo? And their seats are missing too…"

"Umm, yeah about that… See with the newcomers coming here and stuff, we had to cut some people, and yeah. So they all got cut from the Brawl tournament. So, now to introduce the newcomers, give it up to Crazy Hand!"

"HEY GUYS! WAZZZUPP MY HOMIE?" Crazy Hand asked while heading straight to Ganondorf. He grabbed the large Gerudo man in his, well, hand, and tried to give him a hug.

"GET OFF OF ME!" The Gerudo tried to retaliate by Warlock Punching the hand, but seeing as he can float, he flew up in the air and dropped Ganondorf. Owning the Triforce of Power, he was able to casually walk back to his seat, sustaining zero injury despite being dropped from the top of a 100 foot auditorium. Crazy Hand just left the facility, complaining about the lack of kool-aid coming from the drinking fountains. Everyone still being upset about the cut ex-Smashers, they all kinda moped around, some a lot more than others, (Looking at you, Bowser and Ganondorf…)

"So I guess I'll announce the newcomers then. Let's welcome Diddy Kong, Ike, King Dedede, Lucario, Lucas, Meta Knight, Olimar, Pit, Pokémon Trainer, R.O.B, Solid Snake, Sonic the Hedgehog, Toon Link, Wario, and Wolf. Please take your seats."

Everyone clapped for the arrival of the newcomers, much like the Original 12 did when the Melee newcomers came to join them. Then an unfortunate soul pipped in.

"I have a question," the same agonizingly painful voice, belonging to the one and only Ness, shared his thoughts.

"What is it now, Ness?" The white hand asked the small boy.

"Why did you cut one Link just to add another? That's kinda dumb." (Holy shit, Ness said something logical, no way…)

"I don't know, Ness. It's what was decided."

"I have a question." At hearing this, Master Hand started twitching his… hand. Soon, the twitching got so bad, it turned to full on shaking and the large hand turned to face the boy.

"WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK COULD BE SO INPORTANT ABOUT YOUR QUESTION THAT YOU HAVE TO ASK IT YOU INSIGNIFICANT WHELP! I SHOULD HAVE JUST CUT YOU INSTEAD OF THE OTHER FIVE! AT LEAST THEY ACTUALLY HAD FANS AND THEY BROUGHT US A LOT MORE REVENUE THAN YOU WOULD EVER DREAM OF YOU LITTLE SHIT! BUT I CAN'T SINCE YOU'RE AN ORIGINAL! SATAN FUCK ME!"

"Err, never mind."

With that, the veterans came and introduced themselves to the newcomers, most seeming to get along with everyone (still looking at you Bowser and Ganondorf). Let's look at one scenario, shall we?

"Hey guys!" Ness said to Toon Link and Lucas, who were carrying on a surprisingly intelligent conversation for their ages. Probably about politics.

"See, this is why Bernie needed to be president, but noooo, we just have a retarded orange with a toupee and an old lady." Toon Link said.

"Who would be his Vice?" Lucas asked.

"Harambe."

"I'm Ness," Ness said, interrupting the conversation.

"I would say my name, but I don't think associating myself with you would be in my best interest," Toon Link announced to Ness.

"I'm Lucas."

"That's cool, hey wanna hang out? I have the new Pokémon game!" (SAVE YOURSELVES GUYS! DON'T DO IT!)

"Not right now, I have to practice for the tournament. Or ever."

"Me too." (YOU GUYS ARE VERY SMART, KEEP IT UP!)

"Ok, maybe next time."

"Yeah, sure."

Ness walked away, looking back at his new friends, still having the same conversation that they were a few moments ago before he came over there. He thought he heard his name thrown in there a few times, but decided to ignore it, thinking they changed their minds about coming over for the new Pokémon game.

Just then, Crazy Hand came bursting in with a hand full of pizzas. You could get high off of just smelling them. I wonder why..

"What kind of pizzas are those?" Link asked the other large hand.

"Anchovy and kush," Crazy Hand replied to the green-clad adult. "Aww shit, brother, why didn't you tell me there would be kids here? I wanted to watch the new Filthy Frank TV video with my pizzas."

"It's _TvFilthyFrank_. If you watch the Papa Franku, for crying out loud, at least get the name right. Besides, you're a hand. You couldn't eat of you tried," Wolf told the insane hand.

"Wha-what d-did you say?" The hand started crying, tears raining from his… (god dammit the hands don't have eyes)... fingertips. Every Smasher, Newcomer and Veteran alike, decided it would be for the best if they all just left the auditorium. That way, they wouldn't have to be scarred for life from what they would hear if they remained there. Unfortunately, Crazy Hand's sobbing could be heard from miles away. Now Master Hand was very sad he cut Dr. Mario, since everyone now needed hearing tests.

~At the ex-Smash House~

"What the…" Mewtwo said, being interrupted from meditation by some very loud noise. It almost sounded like someone was crying. But being the shifty bastard who likes to teleport on people, he decided not to investigate and just went to bed.


	3. First Meetings

"Guys, I just got a phone call!" Roy announced with his phone in one hand and a beer in the other.

"Who's it-a-from?" The doctor asked.

"Master Hand. Apparently he wants to see us about something really big. I tried asking him, but he just said he would tell us when we get there."

"Well, I-a-guess we'll have to-a-see him. It-a-might be about the-a-tournament-a."

Right then, Young Link came running down the stairs. "What about the tournament?"

"Master Hand wants to see us."

"That's cool I guess. Make sure you leave the debit card here. He might want it back."

"Good thinking kid."

The group got the rest of the ex-Smashers together and piled in the new dark green Mustang that Young Link bought with Master Hand's debit card. Bless Crazy. The van was kinda old anyway, and it smelled weird, so they decided to buy something else to drive.

The drive to the Smash Mansion was uneventful, except when an old lady walked out in front of their car and catcalled Mewtwo. Mewtwo decided it would be a good idea to teleport her somewhere else. Probably Hell. Or Crazy Hand's not-so-secret lab. Honestly the two are probably interchangeable knowing him. This was the Smashverse, one can't expect much normalcy.

The quintet reached the mansion a lot faster than the last time when they were leaving. Probably because of the new GPS built into Young Link's Mustang. Nonetheless, they found a nice place to park, and they got out of the car, Dr. Mario with his McChicken they had stopped at McDonald's for.

Once they all got there, Roy led the group inside, followed by Young Link, Pichu, Mewtwo, and Dr. Mario with his McChicken.

"Is it just me or is this place deserted?" Roy asked the other four.

"I don't sense as many people as I should. Only 15 distinct energy signatures, the hands, and us. That doesn't account for all the Smashers," Mewtwo stated.

Pichu sees a shadow scamper across the long hallway. "What was that?!" She shrieked.

"Leave if you know what's best for you!" Someone called out to the group of ex-Smashers.

"We don't want any trouble," Roy said to it.

"Bullshit," another voice piped in.

When the two figures emerged from the corner, Young Link and Roy drew their swords. Pichu and Mewtwo took fighting stances, and Dr. Mario set down his McChicken.

One of them had a grey jumpsuit, and the other one was a blue hedgehog with bright red shoes.

"They must-a-be the Newcomers," Dr. Mario announced to the group.

"Mario, is that you?" The blue hedgehog asked.

The doctor replied, "Not-a-quite. It's-a-Dr. Mario."

"Dr. Mario? Bullshit. Where are the Smashers?" The grey jumpsuit man asked.

"Woah, _woah_! We just want to see the hands, that's all," Roy interjected.

"Well, you're gonna have to get through us first."

"That's easy. Five versus two. Veterans versus untrained Newcomers." Ok Roy, don't get cocky now.

Roy bolted towards the jumpsuit man, slashing him across the arm, partly because he doesn't want to kill him, and partly because the man evaded the attack. Mewtwo came and hit him with a Shadow Ball, knocking the not so poor guy unconscious. Or so we all think…

With Young Link, Pichu, and Dr. Mario fighting the blue hedgehog, or more like the hedgehog just running and trying to drain the other three out of stamina. Young Link kept shooting different types of arrows, Pichu doing different electrical attacks, and Dr. Mario throwing his pills. No one could get a well timed shot, mainly because the damn hedgehog wouldn't stop running circles around them. But with a very well-timed Ice Arrow, the poor hedgehog was frozen.

"Good-a-job Young-a-Link," Dr. Mario congratulated the young boy.

"Thanks I guess," he responded sheepishly.

"Where did the other guy go?" Pichu asked, causing the quintet to scan the large entry room.

"You know, that's a damn good question," Roy answered. "Well shit…"

Mewtwo, being the shifty bastard that he is, saw a box somewhat casually slide across the room and decided not to say anything. No matter how suspicious it would have seemed to the naked eye.

They all walked towards Master Hand's study to try and find the hand. Mewtwo saw the suspicious box again, yet said nothing. The mansion was unusually empty, for normally everyone is out, either causing mischief, socializing, or training.

"It's really empty in here," Pichu noted.

"I wonder where everyone is?" Young Link asked.

"I have no idea," Roy replied.

They continued on their way, still having only encountered the two possible Newcomers in the very beginning.

"Can I-a-have a break on-a-dragging the body?" Dr. Mario pleaded. "It's-a-making my-a-McChicken… MY-A-MCCHICKEN IS-A-GONE!" Dr. Mario was in all-out panic mode now, with his McChicken missing. Mewtwo decided quietness would be better, and made the good doctor pass out by using some sort of mind mojo. Then, he used a levitation move to make not only Dr. Mario float, but also the frozen blue hedgehog Young Link had frozen earlier. I guess it's time to give a thank you to our favorite shifty bastard.

They finally had reached Master Hand's study. Pichu cautiously going over to open the door, but Mewtwo just using more mind mojo to open the door, making the large hand visible.

"Welcome, welcome. Why do you guys have Sonic? And why is he frozen? Actually, nevermind, I don't really care. How have you guys been? Have any interesting stories to share? New plans? How's the old van doing?" Master Hand seemed like he wouldn't shut up.

"First of all, he attacked us first. Actually the other guy did first, then he did. Secondly, Young Link can do whatever, your not his parent or something," Roy started.

"Triggered," Young Link stated.

"Sorry kid," Roy said to the Hylian.

"It's ok. Also the van was-err is kinda smelly."

Roy turned away from the boy, now looking at the floating hand. "Now, why did you want us to come here in the first place anyway? Did you want to rub it in that we've been cut or some shit?"

"Actually, it's worse. All the Veterans are gone. Somehow, some really big bad guy kidnapped the Original 12. I had the rest of the Veterans stay here and not go after them, but they disobeyed, and now they're gone too. I'm not sure if the Newcomers can make it on their own. I can't send Crazy Hand there, yet I can't leave him in charge of Smash Mansion either. So, I thought of the only option that I could, and that was to involve you five."

"You cut us from the tournament, and now you want us to help you? Give us one reason why we should." Roy interjected.

"You guys have my debit card. You bring them back, and I may let you keep it."

"He's got us there," Young Link added.

"What do you guys think we should do?" Pichu asked the other three ex-Smashers.

"Why not? Sounds like fun," Roy decided.

"Okay!" Pichu agreed.

"I guess that means I have to as well. Someone has to make sure you don't die a gruesome death," Mewtwo added.

"What about Dr. Mario?" Young Link asked. "Doesn't his opinion matter in this too?"

"No, don't wake him until he gets another McChicken. Please," Roy said for the sake of everyone. Thank you Roy for thinking about everyone else. Bless your kind soul.

"If we do this, will you use your magic hand powers to get Dr. Mario a McChicken? Roy asked the floating hand.

"Fine," he replied.

"Then I guess we're in," Roy reluctantly agreed to the Hand's proposition. If they made it through this, at least they would get to keep Master Hand's debit card.

"Good, let me introduce you to the Newcomers," Master Hand said.

AN: Just so you guys know, the five Ex-Smashers won't be using just their standard movesets for this story, seeing as they technically aren't Smashers anymore. And Young Link will have the Gilded Sword and Hero's shield from Majora's Mask, as well as Light Arrows and Ice Arrows.


	4. Songs About Time

"Crazy, get the Newcomers," Master Hand announced to his brother.

"HEY ROY! HEY YOUNG LINK! HEY PICHU! HEY DR. MARIO! HEY MEWTWO!" The less-sane hand shouted to the ex-Smashers.

"Hey," they all grumbled in response.

"YOU GUYS HAVE TO HELP US OUT! THEY TOOK MY BEST FRIEND AWAY!"

"I honestly don't think Ganondorf really liked you that much, Crazy," Young Link told him.

"REALLY?!"

"Yeah. He always talked about 'that damn hand keeps stalking me, and I'm going to take Link and Zelda's Triforces away just to stop it.'"

"NO WAY!"

"Umm, yeah. He said that more than once everyday."

"BUT I LOVED HIM!" Crazy Hand looked about as sad as a hand possibly could. For a hand, he wasn't doing too bad. Just kidding, it was the worst display of sadness that I've ever seen.

"I don't know about you guys, but I'm going to find the Newcomers," Mewtwo announced.

"They're all in their quarters, but I'll have them go to the Smash Auditorium. Take Sonic with you, and I'll be there in a few as well to give them the assignment," Master Hand told them.

With that, the psychic Pokémon left the room, with the rest of the ex-Smashers tagging along, Sonic still being frozen, and Dr. Mario finally shutting the hell up because Master Hand got him a new McChicken.

~At The Smash Auditorium~

"Everyone, please take your seats, thank you," Master Hand said, trying to get all fifteen Newcomers calmed down, Sonic was thawed out with the Pokémon Trainer's Ice Heal. "Now I know that you think this is insane, and I do too. But it's all we could come up with. I've decided that you guys are going to go after the Veterans."

"And how the hell do you expect for us to do that?" Wolf asked. Honestly, you can be mad at him? I would have said it too. "There's only fifteen of us, anyway. Who knows if they would make the Veterans fight us along with whoever took them! We would be far outnumbered."

"Actually, no. The numbers will still not be in our favor, but the odds are slightly better. Because they didn't take _all_ of the Veterans. Only the active ones. There's still five more, and they are going to help us with this. Dr. Mario, Young Link, Mewtwo, Roy, and Pichu."

With that, the group stepped out onto the stage, completely unsure of what they should do.

"Introduce yourselves," the large hand said.

"You already did, why should we?" Mewtwo asked, being a smartass.

"Because I kindly asked you too."

"Shouldn't they introduce themselves too?"

"Debit card."

The Veterans all go silent. The Newcomers are silent. Ganondorf is silent. Jesus is silent. Harambe is silent.

Roy decides to take the mic. "I'm Roy. I like beer and puppies. And capes."

Young Link takes the mic. Sadly, because he is 10 and not 17 like he is in the future, he has to lower the mic. "I'm Young Link. I am also Link. I like the color green."

"I'm Pichu. I evolve into Pikachu."

"I'm-a-Dr. Mario, and I like-a-McChicken."

Mewtwo used levitate to make the microphone move to his mouth. Does he even have a mouth?

"I'm Mewtwo, I will fuck all of you up." Sounds like someone ran out of Xanax...

The ex-Smashers let Master Hand take the mic again. "I don't know how they're going to do this, so, umm, yeah. Go do the thing I guess. Shit, where's Crazy?"

"My weird mind mojo tells me that he is right behind you."

The massive hand instantly turned around, seeing his insane brother, building a statue of Ganondorf… out of Poptarts. What the fuck is wrong with him? I have no clue. Thank you, Mewtwo's weird mind mojo.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" The insane hand asked everyone.

"Why are you building a statue of Ganon?" Young Link asked, clearly terrified.

"I FUCKING LOVE HIM! DO YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT?!"

"Umm, kinda."

"WELL, I DON'T GIVE A SHIT LINK! WHY DON'T YOU FUCK YOURSELF WITH THAT DAMN OCARINA?!"

"I don't think Zelda would be too happy about that…" The young boy trailed off.

"AND YOU! WITH YOUR DAMN MCCHICKEN. HONESTLY, NO ONE, INCLUDING GRANDMA, GIVES A RAT'S ASS ABOUT IT. SO WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING HANG YOURSELF WITH IT OR SOMETHING?!"

Before Dr. Mario could start sobbing about the threats towards him, Link, being the smart kid that he is, pulled out the mentioned Ocarina, and played the Song Of Time, taking them back thirty seconds in the past.

"What the fuck are you looking at?" The insane hand asked everyone.

Young Link just turned away, and walked out of the auditorium, the other ex-Smashers following him, not really knowing why, but Young Link was the one with the most common sense, which was really sad, because he doesn't even get the Triforce of Wisdom when he's 17. Shame.

"Why did you leave?" Roy asked Young Link.

"Wait five seconds."

The sobbing of Crazy Hand was heard once again. Probably because Wolf told him off again. Whoops.

"So what-a-do we do now?" Dr. Mario questioned.

"Wait, I guess. I don't know," Pichu replied.

Mewtwo was taking note of the insults Crazy Hand was spewing out and trying to make them more offensive.

"YOU SON OF A BITCH, I HOPE YOU ROT IN HELL, AND HARAMBE FUCKING TAKES YOUR BODY AND FUCKS IT, YOU GOD DAMNED PIECE OF SHIT."

Young Link walked over to Pichu, and covered her ears, since she was _technically_ was the youngest, even though she was three years older than Young Link. But Young Link was an adult at one point. And he would have stayed an adult if Zelda didn't send him back in time. Honestly, why did she get Wisdom? I feel like even Ganondorf would have used it better than she would have.

"I know, right." Ganondorf mentioned. Wait a second…

"_How did he even get here? He was kidnapped with the other Veterans…" _ the author said out loud to herself.

"I'm breaking the fourth wall," he simply replied.

"_Where are you guys so I can make the ex-Smashers and the Newcomers find you."_

"Sorry, can't do that."

"_Asshole_."

"Thank you."

"_Go away."_

The author waited 12 seconds, and without a reply from the self-proclaimed 'King of Evil', went back to listening to Rob Zombie and wrote this very line that you're reading right now. Anywhore…

"I think it's safe now," Roy told the rest of the group.

They all walked back in the room, seeing Crazy Hand eating leftover anchovy and kush pizza. Shit, he doesn't have a fucking mouth, God dammit.

"Well, I had a good run. I guess it's time to hang up the noose," Crazy Hand announced to the room.

"How would you hang yourself? You don't have a head, you're a fucking hand," Wolf told the large hand. _Oh shit…_

The large hand, once again, started sobbing out of his fucking fingers, because he doesn't have eyes, and I had to improvise. I'm going to shoot you, Wolf. After I shoot myself, of course.

Young Link, having ran out of ideas, decided it would be a good idea to play the Song of Time. I think we all know where this is going…

"What the fuck are you looking at?" The insane hand asked everyone.

The young Hylian then pulled out his Hero's Bow, and shot the Hand with an Ice Arrow.

"Why did you shoot Crazy?" Master Hand asked.

"Trust me," was all the Hylian boy said.


	5. Caprisun Threesome

"So, why did Master Hand want us to come over here again?" Young Link asked.

"I don't know, some sort of training exercise," Roy replied.

The quintet walked down the dark corridor, unsure on where to go. Mewtwo told them to turn left, and because they all trust Mewtwo and his mind mojo, they did it. And though Mewtwo was a shifty bastard, they knew if Mewtwo was planning on murdering the three humanoids out of the group, he would have likely done it in their sleep.

The group kept going, until they arrived at a path with five directions.

"We each should go in different directions. I feel there may be a meetup point. Also, according to the puzzle guidebook I stole from Master Hand, it says that these different halls are testing our fears," Mewtwo said.

"What-a-makes you an-a-expert? What if the-a-guide was-a-wrong?" Dr. Mario asked him.

"Dude, don't question him. His mind mojo would have told him if it was wrong," Roy stated.

Each ex-Smasher took a path, Young Link on the far left, Dr. Mario on the left, Roy in the center, Pichu on the right, and Mewtwo on the far right.

Mewtwo casually walked down his path. Considering that the guide he read earlier about the tunnels correlating with their fears, he didn't have much to worry about. The Psychic Pokemon simply wasn't afraid of anything.

So he just walked down the dark, dank corridor. And not the good kind of dank either. He arrived at a room, which was probably the room that would be used to expose their fears. And as expected, once Mewtwo opened the door, there was nothing to be seen. He just walked up to the pedestal laid before him, and took the small golden badge meaning that his task was complete. Such an easy task for a shifty bastard.

Pichu took one step at a time, her small padded feet hitting the stone cold concrete. She could hear her footsteps echoing behind her as she trailed further in the tunnel.

She realized that her breathing was really heavy, and decided to calm herself. She still didn't know why Mewtwo wanted everyone to go alone, especially when Master Hand specifically requested them _not_ to split up. But she wouldn't question the guidebook that Mewtwo had stolen.

Eventually, she found a doorway. The door wouldn't budge when she had pushed on it, even using all of her strength. She backed up, feeling frustrated with the door, when it just suddenly opened on it's own.

"Weird," she muttered to herself.

She walked in anyway, not bothering to try and close the door behind her. She quickly scanned the room, making herself aware of her surroundings. There was a pedestal in one corner of the room, but a cage blocking access to it. Three shadows approached her, and fast.

The shadows made themselves seen. The shadows were the Legendary Bird Trio of Kanto: Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres.

She knew one of her greatest fears, battling a legendary Pokémon. But now there were _three_, and she was all by herself. What would she do?

Articuno flew by her side, and took a hit from Zapdos that was aimed at her. Then, she knew what was happening. A Double Battle. She used Spark against Moltres, and Articuno used Ice Beam against Zapdos. The fire and electric bird Pokémon retaliated using Thunderbolt and Flamethrower respectively. Articuno spread its wings and blocked Moltres' Flamethrower from hitting Pichu, and instead took both attacks on it's own.

It was their turn, and Articuno looked ready to faint. Especially since both attacks were super effective on it. Pichu knew she had to do something, or else she would have to face the fire and electric types on her own. She drew her energy, and used the attack that she had been practicing for weeks, Thunder. Lightning struck both the fire and electric birds, leaving Moltres paralysed. Articuno finished Zapdos off with Aurora Beam. With the time that Moltres' paralyzation lasted, Pichu kicked the fire bird in the face.

Articuno, Zapdos, and Moltres all got up, looking as if they all were just released from their Pokéballs, bowed to her, and seemingly disappeared. The cage blocking her from the pedestal was lifted, and she saw a golden badge that the small mouse Pokemon put on her forehead.

Roy, on the other and, wasn't doing too well with his challenge against his biggest fear, Fred. No, don't think Fred is some original character or some shit, this bitch is real. He's the Fred guy from YouTube. Oh dear God. Roy wasn't sure on how to deal with this threat to his sanity, but he had a few ideas.

"HEY, IT'S FRED! HAIII!" Fred shouted, with an ear-splitting screech of terror. By just looking at Fred, anyone would think that even Crazy Hand was normal.

"It's official. I've had a good run. Time to hang up my noose," Roy announced, mostly to himself.

"WHAT THE FUCK KEVIN?! WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?!" Fred shouted at Roy, who had no idea of what was even going on, like how Stacy's mom had it going on, but that's beside the point.

By now, Roy was cowering in fear, unsure of what to do, while this Fred character started spewing nonsense about how this "Kevin" took his prom date, who Roy and the author forgot the name of, and is too lazy to look up online, even though he literally looked five.

Now, Fred decided to start just going apeshit on our hero of the story. No one was really sure why, it just kinda happened. It made Roy go silent. Young Link was silent. Dr. Mario's McChicken was silent. The bee from that movie about the bees was silent.

Roy found a random bowl of fruit next to him with a talking orange that was quite annoying. He chucked the orange at the small child, and somehow a knife spawned that the orange was holding somehow, despite not having limbs. Anyway, the orange stabbed the child fifty fucking times, ripped his heart out right before his eyes, and cooked his eyes over easy. Roy did not end up eating them because he surprisingly has standards on what he puts in his body. The orange was quite disappointed in this, so Roy decided to peel the orange and eat that instead.

Roy just grabbed the dead child's corpse by the shoulder, and whispered in his ear, in a chilling, haunting voice.

"_What the fuck now, Fred? What the fuck now? I fucked your mom, Fred."_

But we all know that Fred's mom is very gross, and Roy has fucked many mothers, so he probably got it mixed up with Stacy's mom who happens to have it going on.

He also found a gold pin that he put on his cape for no reason.

Dr. Mario was walking to his room, fear evident on his face. He made it to his room, unharmed, except when he tripped on a small pebble because he was cooing his McChicken.

The door opened on its own, which was good for the Doctor, because the pebble made him drop his McChicken. Dumbass.

The door shut behind him, and the room that he had just walked in was very dank. And no, not the good dank.

Dr. Mario realized something was off about the room, and decided to investigate. His McChicken was gone! He looked in the corner, and saw that someone was eating it. Which was unfortunate for the stranger, because everyone knows that Dr. Mario can't live without his McChickens.

Dr. Mario decided to flat out kill the guy in cold blood. Also, the author would like to note that the original purpose of this chapter is still unknown, and the author is very surprised that she isn't stoned. Anyway, Dr. Mario found the dude that ate his McChicken, and tackled him to the ground, grabbed his neck, and squeezed as hard as he could. He could hear cracking sounds, and he felt blood coming out of the wounds that were made when he dug his fingernails in the man's neck. Obviously, the McChicken thief died.

A flash of white appeared, and the man's corpse was gone, his McChicken had been returned to him, and there was a gold button that he put on his doctor's jacket.

Young Link, being the only ex-Smasher that we haven't done a thingy on, is now here. You're welcome.

However, he had two fears. Mainly because his adult-self was also a veteran. So he had to do two things. It made him curious about what else he would be facing, other than his childhood fear. God dammit Zelda.

So once Young Link reached his room, he saw someone who he really didn't want to see. Ganondorf.

"Umm, hey," Young Link said to the other Veteran. "Why do you keep popping up at random points in the story?"

"I don't know. It's really interfering in my plans to break out of the place where they have us locked up. Because I really need to take your's and Zelda's Triforces to kill that damn hand," he replied.

"You do realize that I don't have it, and my older counterpart does."

"Yeah, but you're a kid, and if I take you out now, then it'll be easier, and then I'll still get the Triforce of Courage from future you because then he'll be dead too."

"That's a really good point. But you can't kill me without Zelda's Triforce first. Plus, she's a princess, it would be easier to kill her first."

"Good point. But maybe I like to do things the hard way."

"I'll give you twenty bucks and a taco coupon if you kill her first."

"Deal."

The Gerudo vanished, leaving Young Link to encounter his older counterpart's fear. With that, a bright light took him to what looked like a… hotel room?

The young Hylian looked over to the bed, and saw three Caprisun pouches, having a threesome.

With that, he took out his blue ocarina, and played a song that Ganondorf showed him, called the "Song of Death". He played it and the Capri Sun pouches had Caprisun leaking out of them. Young Link felt bad, but knew that it had to be done. He took a glass bottle out of his pocket, and filled it up with fruit punch Capri Sun. He also found a really cool golden pin in his pocket.


	6. Nicki Minaj and the Freezing Dicks

"YOU'RE BACK! HAI GUISEEEEEE!" Crazy Hand shouted out, thinking it was a good idea to shout. Thanks asshole.

The five of them replied with a monotonous "hey". Mostly because they were still shaken up about the events of the last chapter. Especially Dr. Mario. And Mewtwo just didn't really give a shit. Or two. Do Pokemon even have to shit? Thats a good question…

They all just went straight to Master Hand's office, and told him that they were all going home, passing a couple of Newcomers along the way, with them all saying hey and asking them how they were doing. I'm still not sure why I wrote the last chapter. Anyway, they all just ignored the Newcomers, mostly because they weren't in the mood to deal with their shit.

"There's something that I need to do here," Mewtwo told the group.

"Yeah, ok. Just meet us outside in the car when you're done," Roy told him.

Mewtwo stalked off in the emptyish mansion. I think we all know how this is going to play out…

Mewtwo went to the South Wing of the Smash Mansion. You may be asking yourself what could Mewtwo want to do with the South Wing. Well, he's a shifty bastard, so we don't really know yet.

He casually trotted along, not really caring about anyone seeing him. He'd be able to erase their memories of the encounter anyway with his mind mojo.

Mewtwo opened the door and looked around until he saw a shelf that had a sign saying 'Assist Trophies'.

He thought to himself, _what is an 'assist trophy'?_ He opened the door, leading him into a large room full of the Smash Trophy bases. Each one had a cloudy white glass covering the trophy inside. He took three of them.

Mewtwo decided to explore the rest of the storage room. He wasn't afraid of getting caught because Master Hand specifically forbade anyone to go in the South Wing of the mansion.

During the rest of his little 'adventure', Mewtwo managed to steal nine golden hammers, fourteen regular hammers, twelve regular mushrooms, thirty poison mushrooms, ten Pokeballs,3three red shells, and a large stack of those really cool cloaking devices. Oh, and a weird floating rainbow orb with the tournament logo that Mewtwo wasn't really sure of the function of. He decided to grab four more because he could. He'd just say that Crazy gave them to him, because no one would question that.

Mewtwo, having filled his nonexistent pockets because he does not wear clothes, made a mental note to come back to the South Wing, and he teleported to Young Link's Mustang.

"What took you so long?" Roy questioned.

"Don't question it," Mewtwo replied.

"And why not? You've been gone for over three hours! Plus, some damn bird flew down and stole Dr. Mario's McChicken. We've been trying for so long to calm him down, and Young Link just fucking shot him with a goddamned Ice Arrow, and now it's freezing balls."

"Crazy had to give me something on my way out."

"And it took you three hours?!"

"Don't question it."

Roy just slammed to gas and drove off without Mewtwo in the car. Then he realized something. "I just remembered that he could've teleported back home."

"I told you that three hours ago Roy," Young Link mentioned.

"WELL, EXCUUUUUUUUUUUSEEE ME, PRINCESS," Roy said, making Young Link want to stab himself due to the cringe worthiness of that reference. Cool, I think I just made a new word! Nevermind, I just Googled it and it's pretty legit. Damn.

Roy sped off in Young Link's Mustang that he couldn't drive because he was only 10. He also couldn't reach the pedals. Or see over the steering wheel.

"Can I have the AUX cord?" Pichu asked to break the silence.

"Yeah, sure," Young Link said and gave it to her. Then, with the AUX cord, Pichu played the unworthy.

"Why the fuck are you playing Nicki Minaj?" Roy asked, fury growing on his face.

"Because, Nicki is da queen."

Mewtwo, detecting the disturbance in the environment, teleported in Young Link's Mustang with the rest of the ex-Smashers, took the AUX cord, and played Rob Zombie. Thank you Mewtwo.

"Ok I forgive you Mewtwo," Roy told the feline looking Pokemon.

"You're welcome. Now you are going to go to Wendy's."

"Why? Wendy's is gross?"

"Don't question it," Mewtwo concluded, using his mind mojo to make Roy go to Wendy's. "Kid, turn the heat up. It's freezing dicks in here."

Young Link reached up to the A/C, and turned it off, switching it to the heat. That caused Dr. Mario to thaw out. Which caused him to start crying, once again. God fucking dammit, Dave.

"Who's Dave?" Ganondorf asked.

"_You really gotta stop breaking the fourth wall, dude," _the author told the giant self-proclaimed king.

"Yeah, yeah. I don't really care. That's your problem."

"_You're a dick, you know."_

"Cool," he said, and left.

When the group got to Wendy's, Dr. Mario threw a fit because they don't have McChickens.

"They have other chicken sandwiches there," Pichu told him.

"I-a-know. But they will-a-never be as-a-good as-a-McChicken. I love me-a-McChicken."

"Link, can you freeze him?" Roy asked.

"Umm, I left my bow out in the Mustang."

Ganondorf decided it would be a good idea to break the fourth wall, punch the doctor in the face, rendering him unconscious, and went back to wherever the Veterans were being kept at.

"I never thought I would say this, but thank you Ganondorf," Young Link announced to the group.

Mewtwo used his mind mojo to make Dr. Mario levitate and shit, and they all went into Wendy's. Roy ordered a Baconator, Mewtwo got a grilled chicken wrap, Young Link got a Son Of Baconator, and Pichu got a kids meal. Then, the cashier said, "What's up with your friend there?"

"Umm, he got really tired," Roy answered.

"Then what's with the bloody nose?"

"He's really clumsy too. He fell down the stairs this morning."

"If he fell down this morning, his nose wouldn't still be bleeding. It's 11 at night!"

"Don't question it," Mewtwo told her, and casually walked away. The rest of the group followed him in the dining room.

"Honestly, what the fuck Mewtwo?" Roy asked.

"I don't know what you mean?"

"Who the hell orders a goddamned chicken wrap for fucks sake? It's even grilled! I really need a beer."

"Me."

And with that, the ex-Smasher's food was ready. They go the order, and walked out the door. Mewtwo took his wrap, smacked Roy in the face with it, and teleported somewhere. I'm not sure where, but he did. And the author realized that she has dropped her iPod at least four times in the study hall that she is in. She also realized that study hall ends in 90 seconds, signaling the end of the chapter. Peace out losers!


	7. idek

"Why do we even keep him around for? He hit me in the face with a fucking chicken wrap." Ok Roy, calm down please and thank you.

"To be honest, you kinda deserved it. You were being mean to his wrap," Pichu commented.

"I want-a-McChicken," Dr. Mario said.

"We know."

"Do you think he'll ever stop it with the McChicken thing? It's really weird."

"I hope so," Roy replied.

"I-a-heard that-a," Dr. Mario added.

Since none of the ex-Smashers really cared much for what Dr. Mario said, they kept on driving. It was a nice evening. Good weather and shit. They got back to the house and there was a purple Ferrari in the driveway.

"WHAT THE FUCK? DID MEWTWO TAKE THE DEBIT CARD?!" Roy shouted.

"I figured since Young Link could go out and buy a car, so could I," Mewtwo said.

"When did you get here?"

"I teleported."

"You gotta stop doing that."

"No thank you."

The quintet walked in the large house, Dr. Mario making a beeline to the fridge for his leftover McChicken. What the fuck is so special about a McChicken, you may be asking yourself. Honestly, no one really knows. Dr. Mario doesn't know. Young Link doesn't know. Ganondorf doesn't know. The author doesn't know. Baby Jesus doesn't know. The God himself, Rob Zombie, doesn't even know.

Mewtwo reached his room and looked around for someone else. Seeing as it was safe, he reached in his personal hammerspace, pulled out all the stuff that he stole, and put them under his bed. Fucking shifty bastard.

Hours passed, and Mewtwo stayed up late to make sure everyone else was asleep. He took the blue glowing ball and tried to figure out how it works.

He picked it up, examining all perfectly rounded smooth edges. There wasn't a switch on it or anything. Not knowing what to do angered him, so he punched it. Some of the outside glass on it shattered. He felt a strange aura emitting from it, so he punched it again. And again. Several more times, in fact.

The orb shattered, and Mewtwo felt the aura from it absorbing into his body. The purple Pokemon decided to go see if he had any new abilities. Thank the great Lord Colonel Sanders for those new Ness targets that he had ordered have finally came in.

He hung one up on the wall, and tried to do some weird laser beam move that Mewtwo invented himself. Unfortunately, the weird laser beam move that Mewtwo invented himself not only destroyed the target, but it had also made a large hole through the wall. The hole went through the whole house actually. And the next house. And the house after that. And several others.

He thought that he had heard Roy yell about the house. Young Link, being the semi-genius that he is, played the Song of Time.

The magical song made time go back about one minute before Mewtwo destroyed the house and everything surrounding it. Oh, did I mention that it decapitated Ness himself? One could say 'two birds with one stone'. Gold star for Mewtwo.

Mewtwo had the advantage with having mind mojo and all and he knew of the events that happened after he punched the ball. He just put it back with the other ones. Smart pussy. (Omg no I didn't mean it like that what the fuck) THE AUTHOR DECIDED TO SKIP THIS CHAPTER IN FAVOR OF STARTING A NEW ONE. GOODNIGHT.


	8. Airpots

"What the literal motherfucking fuck?" Roy yelled at the tv.

"What is-a-wrong?" Dr. Mario asked.

"DONALD TRUMP WON THE ELECTION IN AMERICA!"

"Why does this-a-matter to-a-you?"

"Because! Donald Trump is gross. And racist. And homophobic. And misogynistic. And everything else that isn't ok."

"But we-a-don't live in-a-America."

"It doesn't matter, we have to stop him! Guys, we have to save the world!"

"What's-a-wrong?" Dr. Mario inquired.

"Guys, pack your bags, we're going to America! They're all gonna die."

So the crew got all in Young Link's Mustang. They managed to drive to the airport, almost hitting only one pedestrian.

Wait… that wasn't just a pedestrian. That was the one and only Corey Taylor. What was Corey Taylor doing in the Smashverse? No one knows…

Considering that the Smashverse is in a completely different, well, universe, they all decided to fly. The Dr. Mario decided to bring up the fact that he was hungry.

Roy asked him, "why don't you shut up, and eat your McChicken?"

For some reason, Dr. Mario actually decided to listen to this. The author has no idea why, but for the sake of everyone's sanity, let's just go with it.

So they just drove off in peace, except when Pichu tried to play Slim Jesus on the AUX cord. Roy drew his sword out and severed the AUX cord into fourteen different sections. Don't ask how he even managed to draw it out in the car while driving.

"Where are we going?" Young Link asked.

"The airport. We have to save America," Roy replied.

"What's an 'America'?"

"That part isn't important. Donald Trump is president."

"Didn't-a-Master Hand told us-a-not to leave?" Dr. Mario added.

"That's why Mewtwo erased his memory of him ever saying that." Pichu responded.

The group eventually reached the airport. It was pretty nice. It even had a golden statue outside. Of Bob Ross. Naked. Everything out there. One could argue that he looked like he had a boner. Let's move on, shall we.

Dr. Mario decided that it would be a good idea to poke Bob Ross' "wood". Apparently, there were security cameras everywhere, because as soon as he did what he did, a giant net just scooped him up and flung him. Very, very far. So far, in fact, that he saw the resurrection of Boss Ross at God-level status. Sounds like some Jesus shit going on up in here…

So with that, the group, minus Dr. Mario, made their way to the entrance of the airport. Or at least they thought it was the airport, with a typo done by the author with the title had made the inspiration for the rest of the chapter.

The group had thought that the sign said the word 'airport'. Well, except Mewtwo, due to his shifty bastardness. Instead, they never noticed the missing 'r' in the sign.

Once they set foot in the building, a certain smell hit their noses. Ah, yes, the lovely smell.

"Mmmm, pot," Pichu said, dragging out the syllables.

A man who looked like a waiter had brought a platter full of weed, paper, and even had a bong in his other hand.

"I'll take some of that!" Pichu said and ran after the pot waiter. We'll call him Walter.

So when Pichu ran after Walter, Young Link ran after Pichu, which caused Roy to run after him, which caused some other stoners to run after them. And that caused a full-on non-violent riot of stoned stoners wanting their munchies and some other thing that I was going to include but never did. Cool.

After making all of the local fast food restaurants run out of food, which included three McDonald's, two Taco Bells, two Wendy's, an Arby's, and a White Castle, all the stoners were completely calmed down. So calmed, that by the time three o'clock rolled around, everyone was ready for stoner meditation time, led by the one and only Walter. For some reason, Walter decided to strip down into just a thong with a cute little clock with a mustache and other various facial features. So when our ex-Smashers got ready for stoner meditation time, they were confused by why Walter was only wearing a clock thong, but no one questioned it.

It was probably for the best.

The 2,000 or so local stoners and our ex-Smashers got situated on the carpet and started meditating to the new God; Hempos, God of Weed, Munchies, and Lava Lamps.

Walter got in a suggestive position, and said, "Welcome, fellow stoners, and welcome to our service, where we will worship Hempos, our rad God. Did you guys know that Hempos is the best God out there, and that is why we worship him. Every other religion that says their God is better is lying. I'm looking at you Christians." Walter turned to look out the window behind him, which had a horde of Christians standing outside, holding signs full of random things, such as saying weed is bad.

Walter stood up, and closed the curtains, which happened to have pot leaves on them. The pot leaves also were wearing sunglasses and were smiling, showing off their gold capped teeth. This made them extra cool.

Young Link, being high just off of the pot smoke itself, asked himself, _I wonder if a pot leaf smoked a joint, would that be cannibalism? Or cannabislism?_

Honestly, that's the best question I've heard all day…

About roughly an hour later, the group of three, no one had noticed Mewtwo went somewhere else, the damn shifty bastard, were about to leave the facility, when suddenly, Walter cornered the group.

"Are you guys new here?" Walter asked.

"Yeah. What's it to you?" Roy returned the question with yet another question.

"If you guys want to join our cult, we will send you free weed monthly, in favor of Hempos."

"Deal," the trio said in unison.

Walter nodded, fetching a decent size bag of, you guessed it, weed. The bag was like the size of one of those plastic bags that you get at Wal-Mart, and it looked pretty full. "Do you want to try a sample?"

Pichu's pupils dilated just from the seven words that Walter said, and snatched the bag out from his grasp. "Yes," she said, while casually stroking the bag like she was Smegol holding the Ring of Power. But this isn't Lord of the Rings. This is just a piece of shit story written by a piece of shit author. Yay.

Roy tried to grab the bag from Pichu, who desperately tried to not let go. Honestly, this went on for about a good thirteen seconds before the bag split open, and Pichu scampered and grabbed it all and went to the ladies room. Seeing as the other two in the group are both man and boy, they could not follow.

Eventually, she smoked all of the weed, thanking the great Lord Hempos in the middle of her last joint. Roy asked Young Link why he didn't play the Song of Time and shoot her with an Ice Arrow, responded that he ran out practicing with some of the Ness targets Mewtwo have gifted him, and he didn't have time to get more.

Roy and Young Link found Pichu a short while later exiting the ladies room, and she fell flat on her face. Young Link tried to stifle a chuckle while Roy just muttered "karma is a bitch."

Roy and Young Link, still pissed off at the female member of their fairly odd squad, decided that it would be for the best of them to leave at that very moment to get back to the plan of murdering the newly elected President of a world that did not actually exist to them.

So when the trio approached the entrance, having already gave their goodbyes to Walter and Hempos, exited the building to see a scowling Mewtwo holding the head of the one and only…

Donald Trump.

**Howdy guys! Thank you all so much for reading through this mess that I wrote three years ago. Unfortunately, this is the last chapter since I have other projects that currently have my attention at the moment. But big thank you's to everyone that has reviewed and/or favorited/followed. You guys are great!**


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